Debt.

I owe my Dad some money. Ok, a lot of money. Like 300 dollars (mostly for phone bills that I haven't been able to pay and gas money that I couldn't afford for the last nine months of unemployment). It's a terrible feeling to be in debt. Whenever I think about it, I get that awful sinking feeling in my gut. That how-am-I-ever-going-to-pay-him-back sort of feeling. But then it got me thinking of how much debt we all have, really. The Creator of the universe took the time to create each one of us with unique characteristics not found in anyone else who has ever lived on this planet, which, let me remind you, is a lot of people. We owe Him a great deal.

You see, He desired that we would love Him with the same kind of love that He first showed us. A perfect love free from jealousy, greed or ulterior motives. But for that love to be perfect, He had to give us a choice. Without a choice it wouldn't be love. We could choose Him (life, goodness, love) or we could choose the opposite (death, evil, hate). But we chose the opposite. We choose the opposite. Everyday we choose to lie, cheat, steal, lust, idolize, and live like the entitled hypocrites that we are. And so we are in debt. I'm not talking about 300 dollars worth of debt. I'm talking about lifetimes of unpayable debt. We cannot by ourselves pay back our debt because we are imperfect creatures. Now think about that sinking feeling in your gut again. It just got a thousand times worse, right? But then imagine Someone coming along to tell you,

"Your debt has been paid in full."

What?! Are you serious?! Suddenly all your fear and anxiety is washed away as you embrace that new feeling of relief; the same feeling with which you had become so unfamiliar. No more feeling like someone is watching you, waiting for you to pay back what you owe. You're finally free. And that's what Jesus did for us. Because of Him, we. are. free.

Hope.

Hope. It's something I haven't had for a long time. Depression has a tendency to take all your hope away. The moment you lose hope is the moment you feel like life is no longer worth living. It's been a long road, both for me and for everyone in my life. I am profoundly grateful for the support I have received over the last ten years of battling this (especially to the ones who stuck with me when no one else would--you know who you are). The battle isn't over and it won't be won until I see Jesus face to face and hear him say, "Well done, good and faithful servant." But I know I will win with Jesus on my side. 

Right now I'm in a good place. The episodes of depression aren't the life-threatening abyss of despair that they have been in the past. And I'm learning the skills I need to conquer the times of mania as well. I've also stopped cutting, hopefully for good, and I'm learning how to manage stress in healthy ways too. Someone said that healing from an episode of depression comes slowly, then suddenly. I think they're right.

And with this newfound stability, I can honestly say that I have hope again. A hope like this can only come from God. I think hope is something we take for granted, but when hope is suddenly stripped away, you realize how much you need it. Although I will never live this life without depression, aside from a miracle (which I haven't stopped praying for), I can be certain of this: 'He will wipe every tear from [our] eyes. There will be no more death' or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away" (Revelation 21:4). One day I will never have to wake up in the morning feeling hopeless. I won't have to wonder if I can make it through the day without another crying spell. I won't spend the day wanting only to die. And I will never have to go to bed terrified of waking up the next morning only to do it all over again. That day isn't here yet, but it's coming. Oh yes, it's coming.

Dealing with Mental Illnesses: How to Help.

Here are a few websites you can go to for some information on helping people with different mental illnesses:

Helping Loved Ones With Bipolar Disorder 

Teen Depression: A Guide For Parents

Depression: Supporting a Family Member or Friend

Helping a Loved One With Anxiety

What Not to Do When Someone You Love is Psychotic

Helping Someone With an Eating Disorder

Supporting a Loved One with Borderline Personality Disorder

I read through each article and from what I read, they all seem fairly accurate. This is by no means an exhaustive list; it's just a list of the mental illnesses I am most familiar with, so I will also provide some additional resources that may be helpful in learning about mental illnesses and how to help loved ones dealing with a mental illness.

Breaking Bipolar Blog (Scroll down a little to the "Blog Categories" on the left to navigate easily through different blog topics) - Natasha, the woman who writes the blog, has Bipolar Disorder, so she writes mostly about Bipolar

National Alliance on Mental Illness - NAMI has lots of great resources for people with mental illnesses and their loved ones. They have support groups and seminars across the nation to educate and help people with mental illnesses.

National Institute of Mental Health - NIMH has education, statistics, and help for those who struggle with a mental illness.

To Write Love On Her Arms - Links to lots of great places you can find help in dealing with mental illness

Healthy Place - They have tons of great information on mental illnesses and they also have their own brief online tests that can help determine whether or not a person has symptoms that could indicate the presence of a particular mental illness