Mental Illness and the Church.

I've been avoiding writing this post for far too long. This is a tough issue. And it's one that has largely been avoided by the Church. And because the church chooses to avoid the question, I stopped going to church for almost a year. I came back because my pastor decided to do a sermon titled "Depression" in a series on tough issues people face in life. It was a good sermon and I think it was much needed for our church and any church, for that matter. The part that struck me the most about his sermon was at the end when he said, "I want this to be a place where people with mental illnesses can feel at home and welcomed. I want us to be a church that supports people who are struggling instead of pushing them away." I began to cry when I heard that because for the first time since I was diagnosed with depression, I felt at home in a church.

So many churches aren't properly educated when it comes to mental illnesses, so they don't know how to deal with them properly. They don't understand that having a mental illness is something that we can't control. And they especially don't seem to understand that people living with mental illnesses are most often not dangerous to others. People who have been diagnosed with a mental illness need love and support, but the church is often the least likely place to find it. Instead of welcoming all people, including those who are mentally ill, the church often excludes and looks down upon a group of people that really needs their church to support them and love them for who they are outside of their illness. But many churches simply can't see past the diagnosis to who the real person is.

What if we as the Body of Christ could join together to support the least of these? What if the Church of Jesus Christ could show His love to the world, including those who are typically considered outcasts? What if we could end the stigma associated with mental illnesses? How can we make this happen? I would argue that it starts with one. One person making a choice to love someone who normally doesn't receive much love. One small group choosing to make a dinner for someone in need. One church deciding to speak out and educate their congregation about mental illnesses and other issues people face around the world. Let's be the type of people that make others want what we have. Let's be the hands and feet of Christ.

New Diagnosis.

Hello everyone. I just wanted to give a little update. I went to the Emergency Room last Thursday night because I was having trouble with depression and suicidal thoughts and was really stressed about work. They evaluated me and sent me home with a plan to talk to my manager and try to request some time off work. However, my manager wasn't able to give me any time off. Then on Friday, I was still feeling very depressed, so I returned to the hospital and was admitted. I just got out today, and I must say I'm feeling much better. As it turns out, I was misdiagnosed as having Major Depressive Disorder. I actually have Bipolar II disorder.

You would think this news would be very difficult for me to hear because bipolar is a lifelong disorder and rather than dealing with only depressive episodes, you also have to deal with times of mania as well. 

But I felt so much peace when they diagnosed me. 

Not only does it explain the times of mania I've had in the past, but it also explains why the thirteen different antidepressants I've tried haven't worked and why they have sometimes even made the depression worse! Finally I have an answer to my questions. I know why I sometimes don't need sleep and am extremely productive in work or school and why I occasionally have major spending sprees and times of unexplained energy and euphoria. I know why my antidepressants wear off after working for only a week or two. I don't need to get ECT (shock therapy) like my doctors thought I would need. 

They put me on medication for bipolar and they're weening me off of my antidepressants. I haven't noticed much of a change yet, but it will probably take a few weeks for the medications to build up in my system and begin to take effect. I will continue DBT and counseling and I'm already researching everything I can about bipolar to understand my diagnosis better, because it will help me better understand myself and why I do the things I do and feel the way I do. I never thought I would be so excited for a bipolar diagnosis, but it is definitely a blessing in disguise and I am so grateful for this new diagnosis.

Identity.

"Find your identity in Christ." We've all heard it. We've probably even said it once or twice. But what does it really mean? If you're looking for an answer to that question, you've come to the wrong place because I don't have one. I'm still trying to figure out what exactly it means to have an identity in Christ. My identity is not found in Christ, but in an illness. An illness I've been writing about for the past month or so. You heard me right, my identity is in my depression. I don't know exactly how or why I got to this place, but I know it needs to change sooner rather than later.

I've been depressed literally for as long as I can remember. I started feeling depressed at age thirteen and because of a series of concussions I sustained in my teenage years, I don't remember much before about age fifteen. My depression has at times been so consumingly overwhelming that all I can do is sleep. It has left me bedridden for days and even weeks at a time and has caused me to lose everything I once held dear. It has taken so much from me and has given only pain and heartache in return. So why would I ever find my identity in it?

Because it has never abandoned me.

See, the thing is, almost everything else will eventually abandon you. People and pets will die or fall out of your life at one time or another. Jobs will come and go. Talents and abilities can only get you so far before you find someone who is better than you. It seems that everything that we stake our hope in will fail us. But my depression has never let me down. I can always count on it to be there when I'm at my worst. Even when I'm at my best, it still shows up sooner or later. It will always be there when I'm alone with no one to turn to. It will never back out when things get hard. It simply won't go away.

But there is one fatal problem with placing your identity in depression.

It will never fill you with joy. Only Christ can do that. And guess what... He will never leave you nor forsake you (Deut 31:6, Josh 1:5, Heb 13:5). So I'm on a quest. A quest to find my identity in Something greater than my depression. I want to find my identity in Christ alone because I know he will fulfill every need I have.