New Diagnosis.

Hello everyone. I just wanted to give a little update. I went to the Emergency Room last Thursday night because I was having trouble with depression and suicidal thoughts and was really stressed about work. They evaluated me and sent me home with a plan to talk to my manager and try to request some time off work. However, my manager wasn't able to give me any time off. Then on Friday, I was still feeling very depressed, so I returned to the hospital and was admitted. I just got out today, and I must say I'm feeling much better. As it turns out, I was misdiagnosed as having Major Depressive Disorder. I actually have Bipolar II disorder.

You would think this news would be very difficult for me to hear because bipolar is a lifelong disorder and rather than dealing with only depressive episodes, you also have to deal with times of mania as well. 

But I felt so much peace when they diagnosed me. 

Not only does it explain the times of mania I've had in the past, but it also explains why the thirteen different antidepressants I've tried haven't worked and why they have sometimes even made the depression worse! Finally I have an answer to my questions. I know why I sometimes don't need sleep and am extremely productive in work or school and why I occasionally have major spending sprees and times of unexplained energy and euphoria. I know why my antidepressants wear off after working for only a week or two. I don't need to get ECT (shock therapy) like my doctors thought I would need. 

They put me on medication for bipolar and they're weening me off of my antidepressants. I haven't noticed much of a change yet, but it will probably take a few weeks for the medications to build up in my system and begin to take effect. I will continue DBT and counseling and I'm already researching everything I can about bipolar to understand my diagnosis better, because it will help me better understand myself and why I do the things I do and feel the way I do. I never thought I would be so excited for a bipolar diagnosis, but it is definitely a blessing in disguise and I am so grateful for this new diagnosis.