Grateful.

It was so freeing when I finally realized that I was never going to live a life without mental illness playing at least some small part in it. When I was in high school and early college, I would cry out to God each night and ask Him to heal me of my depression and every morning I woke up disappointed. That is, until I realized that I am not my depression. I am more than my depression. I recently read an article from RELEVANT Magazine that said, "Don't miss today because you are imagining that tomorrow will be 'better.'" I think it's so important to remember--especially in the midst of life's struggles--that each day is a gift and that there are things to be grateful for each day even when life seems really difficult. Looking back, I can see God working every single day to bring me back to Him. He worked through friends, pastors, mentors, and even strangers to show me that I was worthy of His love. And He showed up in nature-- in every animal's eyes, every beautiful mountain range, every perfect sunrise. I slowly began to realize that there were three constants that I could point out in my life: God, pain, and morning. I knew (or at least was told) that God is always with me. Because of my depression and the prison I had locked myself in, I was always in pain. And each day, no matter how hard the night had been, morning would come and the sun would rise to bring a new day. I now know that I get a "new bucket of mercy" each day, as the pastor from my home church would say. God chooses to wake me up each day and pour His mercy on my life, regardless of whether or not I acknowledge it. I now have a great job working in the gift shop of a local restaurant where I can crochet for most of my shift and sell the things I make online to earn some extra money on the side, I have a roof over my head each night because of my wonderful mother who has so graciously allowed me to live with her for the past year, I have a full tank of gas in my car (thanks, Dad, for the Christmas present!), and I have access to the medications and therapy I need to help me deal with my mental illnesses so they don't negatively affect my life as they once did. I am grateful for these things and so much more (it would take much more than a mere blog post to write about all that I have been blessed with). Each day is a gift and today I choose to be grateful. Praise the LORD!